Really? This is happening again...

                   
"You can become the person that you choose to be."

These are some powerful words.

I woke this morning mad at myself for feeling this way. This way being that feeling I get called 'panic' I've had now for the past five days. Really? This is happening to me again? I don't want it! I don't want to accept it! The last time I felt this way was over thirty years ago.

I ask myself, why is it happening to me again? How can I make it all go away, forever? I've been to the Doctors. My heart is fine. My thyroid is good. I think my hormones are just being a little finicky because of all these female problems going on. So come on! Is this fear of what is to come? Do I fear the surgery? No I don't think so. I think my fear is all about how things will get done around here when I am not able to do them.  I think my fear is my animals won't have the care from anyone else as good as they would from me. (me thinking stupid) I think my fear is knowing that my house will get much deeper with clutter and dirt than I can handle. (really? who cares?)

All this fear is 'bullshit!" I know it! And you know it! So why can't I control it?

The first thing I do this morning is I get on the internet and begin searching the web for answers. I'm reading about ways to control one's panic when it begins. I come across this article and begin reading that there are steps I can take to get myself under control. These are:

Step one.  Relax (easier said than done)
Step two.  Stop negative thinking. (It's that damn self conscience who's doing it)
Step three. Use coping statements. (Okay, now this is something I can remember in time of panic)
Step four.  Accept your feelings. (Now this is more like it. Who else is going to accept that you're nuts?)

So now that I have all the answers I must put them to work. I will do my best to look as though nothing is bothering me. I will do my best to go about my daily chores as though I haven't a care in the world. And I will do my best to not work myself up into a major, blown out PANIC ATTACK.

The one thing that truely hit me about all that she wrote is these ten words:
 "you can become the person you choose to be". By Pati McDermott CHT (certified hypnotherapist)

Powerful, beautiful, and meaningful words.

This will be my coping statement.

Just writing about it has helped. This is not easy for me or anyone who suffers with panic attacks. Just getting through each day the best we can is all we ask for. Pray for us and understand we pray all the time to feel and be "the person we choose to be", but better.

Blessings,
Gail

Thrift store finds

Yesterday was mostly spent on the road again over to Eugene and back. I did manage an hour to spend looking around at St. Vincent's in Oakridge. I found a few items I thought I could use with my Civil war persona.

  A small jewelry box for my earrings and brooches. A mug for drinking water, a plate, a basket for essentials, ribbon will be used on an outfit or maybe a hat and the flower frog, because I collect them. I also picked up a great gallon jug for my homemade wine, and a small bowl for use in the kitchen. Best thing about it was I only spent $10. (Senior discount day)
 
There were a few other things I thought about getting but I ended up putting back. Now I wish I had purchased them because I want to make some craft things I found on Pinterest. But I'm going back over again next Thursday, so I plan to see if they are still available for purchase.
 
I like stopping as it helps to break up the long drive and gives me a chance to shop out of town. Today, I'm catching up on laundry, cleaning out chicken coops and enjoying the warm sunshine.

Spring brings Honey Do's

With Spring comes repair. I have been saying "Honey,we need a new roof" for three years now and hubby finally caved in. Only because he woke up to a drip in the bedroom over my dresser and hoping the ceiling doesn't cave in. Last year we had pots down on the kitchen floor catching water. Boy was that fun. Amazing how long it can take my dh to wake up.

So off to Home Depot a few days back, and hubby and a friend of ours are up on the roof.

 

 

As you can see, we are having to strip down to the nitty gritty. The roof had two layers of very old and brittle shingles. This house was built in 1959, so you can imagine what we've dealt with the last few years. Every wind we'd get, there'd be more shingles on the ground. Hubby would walk around, pick them up and go up on the roof and reattach them. I'd just sit there shaking my head.

 

So needless to say, I am tickled pink to finally be getting a new roof.

 

The guys will be working it in sections due to our weather. Today it's pretty windy so no roofing is getting done. We are expecting more rain and snow, so part of the roof has been retiled and the other part has tar paper down.

 

 

This will be the finished look. Kinda looks like old cobblestone.

 

 But don't worry hubby, once the roof is finished, I have plenty more honey do's to do. There's the greenhouse to get finished, the chicken coop needs a window, we need to finish the trim in the bathroom, our walls need repainted, we need a few trees cut back.........

 

 Well, you get the picture.

 

Traveling to Eugene

One of the nice things about traveling back and forth to Eugene is that I get to see all these beautiful rivers, lakes and cool stuff along the way. With Spring officially here, all the rivers are up and running fast from all the snow melt.

I enjoyed stopping along the way and listening to the water rushing along. Don't you just love how it sounds? I could spend hours just sitting there and enjoying the music it brings to my ears. It takes all the stress and worries away, at least for a little while.

The lake looks inviting even though it would be too cold for swimming, maybe just a little fishing, if I find the time. You can still see some snow across the backside, but Spring is definitely here as you begin seeing a lot more ducks flying in to stay.

I really liked the rustic patina of this as I passed under it, so on my way home I pulled over to get a shot of it. Plus it gave me another excuse to enjoy the river beside it a little more.

So as things begin to bloom with Spring in the air, I hope to be able to get more pictures of my trips I'll be making this Summer back and forth to Eugene. It makes life a little more pleasant for what I have to deal with right now.

I hope next time to find a spot to pull over and take pictures where there are oodles of beautiful ferns and the trees look awesome.