Losing my mother

 I’ve not posted in many years, so much has happened in all that time. It just feels right to put out here what I’m feeling right now. As you know we’ve been in a pandemic for a couple of years now. So many changes, feelings and unsure of anything anymore. I feel the worlds gone plum crazy.

Well the big C had hit my family in October 2021. My older brother that lived in a elderly center got the C and the staff immediately placed him in hospice. No warning the family, no POA and he was left to starve on his bed. He died 11 days after diagnosed.

The family has grieved and without money to fight there was nothing we could do. I’m sure it happened to others in that home. Then here come December and my younger sister was hit with it. It has affected her where she can’t walk, could barely talk and we believe she got the palsy from it. So this has been an ongoing struggle for her. Recently my mother and my brother who lives with her have gotten the C. My mother is 99 years old and has been one tough woman. She ended up with pneumonia and it’s been a real struggle for her the last couple of weeks.

I found out today, she is healed from the C and no longer with pneumonia. The only thing is she no longer wants to live. This has been so hard to accept, but that we must. She has chosen to stop nourishment and wants to die. So today hospice has been called in to help her through the last of her days. I guess I should be grateful she is home with loved ones all around, but part of me is selfish and would like her to stick around. So today I’ve cried, I’ve prayed and I’ve asked forgiveness for my selfish thoughts. I only want her to not suffer and pray it isn’t prolonged. God forgive me and help me understand.

Mother, you are loved and always will be. We will miss you but know in our hearts you will be where you want to be. Once again with your spouse, your children and grandchildren that have gone before you.

May the angels watch over you and keep you forever in our hearts.

Sew Much Stuff

I started three days ago to clean up my sewing/craft room. I bagged all the crafty gadgets, paints, brushes, etc. Sold them right away. Then I bagged oodles of scrap booking materials and have posted them on craigslist for sale. With that done it began to feel lighter and roomier in there.

Next I started going through all my material, and let me tell you, I have tons. Most of what got bagged I got rid of only because none of the scraps were big enough for anything I might make in the near future. Six bags later, I'm really seeing some change.

I sure wish I had taken pics of my before disaster room, but it really was an embarrassing mess. I then had my hubby remove a long shelf I had used for sitting at and making the paper crafts and stuff and had him put it above my other window for my basket storage. Then I had him move all my heavy tables and things around until he got them where I wanted them. Once that was done I set out to sort through all my lace and trim. Man, how does one collect so much stuff. In between sorting loads of that I also folded and arranged all my material I planned to keep.

I must say I am very pleased with how it all turned out.

Even with all the work of cleaning and sweeping and garbage emptying, I couldn't slow down once it really started shaping up.

Once I felt it was perfect enough to use comfortably, I breathed a sigh of relief. Pooped, but finished.

The only thing I'm gonna be working on in the near future, besides a few sewing projects, is making some curtains for my windows and putting up ceiling panels to complete the room. Next Summer I may even throw on a little bit of fresh paint on the walls.

For now, I can get in the groove with my rearranged and relaxing space I call my 'Sanity' room. I love the peace and quite time where my creative juices can flow and I can amaze myself at what I can accomplish.

 

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A Lost Soul

Today I write about the issue of a homeless old man and his mental health. Why? Because I can only sit by and watch him and his dog freeze to death on the side of the highway because he refuses help from anyone. Because I need to vent and because I don't know what else to do.

I'm told that the Sherriff's Department and others  in our town have tried to reach out and help him by offering assistance to a shelter, by mentally evaluating him and then releasing him, and by checking his physical health. (When this was done, I don't know. If it was really done, I have my doubts. He's literally been in the same spot for FIVE DAYS). And when I say same spot, I mean just that. I have yet to see him out of the same sitting position. Our temperatures are in the fifties and low sixties daytime and 20 degrees and lower at night. I would think that he must have hypothermia by now. He only has on a flimsy coat. He is shivering like crazy. My question is "At what point do we step up and say enough?" "When do we say, NO! you no longer have a chose?" How can we just sit by and wait until he is frozen to death and only then do we step in to take him to the morgue? This all makes me sick!

Whoever just dumped him off on this road knew he wouldn't be going anywhere. Why? Because he has about fifteen plastic bags of his clothes and stuff. Two large five gallon containers of what I'm guessing is water and a couple of ice chests with open milk containers, dog food and no ice. He also has a dog. With all this spread about no one wants to offer him a ride. He doesn't even stand up, nor has he in FIVE days, to try to hitchhike.

At what point does one say enough? And why does it have to be from this MAN who must truly not be in his right mind? Any one with a mental illness will tell you they are fine. They don't need help. And people believe this. THEY ARE NOT OKAY! THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL! They don't know they are going to freeze to death because there mind isn't telling them they may have hypothermia and their body is slowly shutting down. They don't no they are in any real danger of being run over by a car so close to the road, they don't know that they may be dehydrated from lack of proper nutrition or water, they don't know that staying out in freezing weather day and night with a cold could lead to pneumonia or worse, they don't know that they are vulnerable to be eaten alive by mountain lion that roam the area.

They will tell you they KNOW. But if one really knew, why would they do this? Why would they choose to exist this way? I wish I understood.

As you now can see, I am truly upset over this. My heart is aching. I wake up in the middle of the night and cry for his lost soul. I dont have the answer. I can only pray God will keep him safe and guide him. I pray I don't drive by and find him frozen to this spot. I, can only pray.

Dinner for Breakfast?

Do you ever crave something so bad that you fix it and eat it for breakfast? Well, that's exactly what I just did. I'd been wanting to make Beef Enchiladas for a few days now, so decided this morning was going to be as good a time as ever.

Normally I would wait to fix this for dinner, but being hungry and all, I chose to fix it for breakfast.

You also probably know how much I love Ree Drummond's cooking (Pioneer Women Cooks). So I pull out her recipe for the Beef Enchiladas and get busy cooking. I filled my casserole dish and had enough left over for another small dish. Just enough to make for a great hot breakfast.

courtesy of Ree Drummond

Once out of the oven, I didn't hesitate to sit down and devour my craving. Nothing like a good hearty breakfast to get your morning off to a perfect start.

And you already know what I'll be serving for dinner tonight and it won't be pancakes. Along with a nice side salad and some toppings. Yum!

Winterizing Your Rv

It's that time of year where we once again must Winterized our Rv. In our neck of the woods, we have lots of mice so we our extra careful to do what we can to keep them out of our motor home and any vehicles we have stored for the Winter months.

One of the things we do is to make sure that our camper is completely cleaned out of any food. You'll want to wash down every surface and vacuum. The cleaner it is, the less inviting it will be to critters. Also remember to turn off all propane and empty any water storage, especially if you live where the temperature can get down to zero.
What I often do is get out my Peppermint Essential Oil, I prefer the natural deterrents, and place cotton balls in a Baggie with several drops of oil on them. I let this soak in for a bit and then I place a cotton ball anywhere in my camper that I feel a mouse might have interest in exploring. They seem to dislike the smell of Peppemint which makes this an easy fix for me. I will also place mint leaves in outside storage or near the motor and wiring. I'm even known to make a nice Peppermint Oil Spray that I sometimes use inside, but is great for spraying the undercarriage of the RV.

In the past I have even used Bounce dryer sheets but I haven't used those in years. Some may even prefer the old method of using traps, but I don't know about you, but I don't want to smell a dead rodent after months of decay in my motor home, let alone having to clean out the traps. No, I prefer to stop them at the gate, so to speak. But which ever method you choose will work at keeping the mice at bay.
After all the interior has been cleaned its time to turn to the exterior. We find it best to put everything up cleaned. Besides, it makes for our next outing that much less we have to do. Some people choose to cover their RV, like we do. We don't have a carport tall enough so we keep ours covered with a tarp. In snow country our tarp or cloth covers last two or three Winters. You just want to make sure that the weather doesn't get into you RV.
I know I've probably only covered a few of the things to do to get your RV ready for storage, but hopefully this will get you thinking about where to get started to keep your campers safe from mice destruction.

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Fort Klamath Event

What a weekend of fun I just had up at Fort Klamath doing one of our Civil War events. My friend Margie and I set up a station to resemble one of a washer woman and her family during the actual Civil War. We then had a photographer who took the old time pics of us. Many of the public came and joined in on the fun.

Not only did we have a great event but several people joined our club after seeing what fun we have. I can't wait to see what persona each of the newbies will portray at next years' events. I love learning and teaching the history of the war to those who choose to stop by and spend a bit of their time with each of us.

There was cannon fire and ladies in distress. We had the Sanitary Commision speaking to the public, the Blacksmith was forging out new wares. The Refugee woman was cooking over an open fire. We had our Victorian tea party, which is always so much a treat. Sunday morning we have church services and then after things begin to pick up all about the camp.
The weather was perfect and by the end of the day a large banquet of food was spread out to the soldiers and to the civilians where everyone ate and enjoyed and laughed well into the night.
With Winter not far away, I have lots of projects to begin, repairs to be made and time to get all my Civil War gear into one place. My mind keeps spinning with ideas of many things I hope to accomplish. I don't think I will have time to brood when snow finally hits the ground.

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Recipe For Gingerbread

I made this recipe to share with our Civil War ladies at our recent event.  It went over with  a big hit. If you are like me and enjoy a good tasting gingerbread, I hope you'll give this recipe a try. I will say you wont be disapointed in the flavor or the texture. I found this recipe while searching Civil War recipes on Pinterest. I just love Pinterest.

Alice Carlisle's Gingerbread

Gingerbread was popular among soldiers in both the North and South. Wives like Alice Carlisle often baked and sent loaves of this spicy bread to their husbands in camp, and when hospitals had the ingredients, they baked this for the patients who could eat it.

Ingredients:

- 1 TB butter
- 2 1/2 cups flour
- 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1 1/4 cups molasses
- 1 egg
- 1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
- 1 1/2 tsp. allspice
- 1 cup very hot water

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Grease a 9″ square baking pan with the butter. In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, soda and spices, and cut in softened butter to the flour mixture with a fork. Combine molasses, egg and water in a small mixing bowl. Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir well. Pour the batter into a baking pan and bake 35-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Makes 9 servings.

*Recipe courtesy of Total Gettysburg

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Every day there is something that makes me smile, take notice, and be content with our choice to live in the country.
Besides the wonderful breezes we get daily that sound like ocean waves when blowing through the trees and the birds chirping and the squirrels running around looking for nuts, there are always lots of critters that come out to explore. This year we have had our share of hummingbirds galore. There have been up to seven on one feeder. I was able to catch a few of the little guys in action.

 

 

 

We are never without the presence of a deer or ten around here either.

Here momma and her babies stopped by for a drink. The doe around here seem to have a lot of twins rather than just one baby.

Our girls finding time to get wet.

 

Our old man, Taz, taking a siesta.

And last but not least, sunsets that take your breath away.

 

 

 
I'm just loving the country life and counting my blessings.
 

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Fruitless

Where has all my time gone? Mostly laying around and recuperating from my surgery. Although this past week I am finally able to get out and about my yard and boy am I discouraged from what I found.
For some freak, unknown reason I have no fruit growing on any of my trees, my blueberries or my strawberries. I'm dumbfounded. We did have a strange infestation in April with caterpillars on many of the bushes in these huge webs they had made. I soon found out they were bad for the plants. So with brushing them off and spraying them, I managed to get rid of what I could. I just don't know if they had already done the damage to everything. At least I don't think they did. I'm beginning to think it is a lack of bees in my area. Even with all my many flowers, I'm not finding bees anywhere around here.
This really scares me. I mean how are we to self survive if I cannot even get fruit on the trees? I know that one could self pollinate by hand, but that looks like more work than this old lady could handle.
Has anyone else had this problem? I really don't know.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I am not to overdo any kind of gardening this year, heal my body and things will look much better come next year. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Next year will look much better.

Road Up Hill

I've had my surgery and am recuperating at my daughters home. Everything went well and I'm feeling really good. I'm not allowed downstairs until my two week appointment and then I'll be going back home. Barely any pain so just laying around is a tuff one for me. Thank God for Pinterest. Lots to keep my mind busy if nothing else. I just wanted to thank everyone who kept me in their prayers. When I'm up and able to do more, I promise to get back in the blogging world again. For now, I'm on the road up hill.

Blessings,

Gail

 

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Gift bag Surprise

It has been a crazy Spring so far. I am finally scheduled for surgery on June 7th. It came down to having a local doctor do the procedure as I have no more patience and pain tolerance to wait for the dr. in Eugene to decide if she even wanted to do the surgery. Long story. Anyway I am looking forward to getting some sort of moving ahead instead of a stumbling effect back in my life.

I have been limited on what I find I am able to do for now and I'm sure it will be this way for several months ahead, but it's just an adjustment and things will one day get back to normal.

Today I opened the most wonderful package of gifts my beautiful daughter-in-law Wendie had sent this way with her husband who is up visiting for the weekend. She is such a sweetheart always thinking of me. She found this lovely blown glass ladybug night light while out shopping for lamps. Isn't it beautiful? I can't wait to see how it looks this evening when its dark.

I also received this lovely peacock embroidered scarf. The detail is exquisite.


And as if this wasn't enough she must have been reading my mind because, just yesterday I was telling my daughter that I have been looking for a wind chime that sounded pretty like the one she was showing me and had just received from one of her friends and now here I am pulling one of my own out of the bag of goodies my daughter-in-law sent me. She knows me so well.

She also knows I have been slowly collecting Le Creuset cookware and she found one at a yard sale she knew I would love. These are so wonderful to cook in. They distribute the heat evenly over the entire pan. Yes, they are quite heavy but so worth it. They are in my opinion expensive, so when I find one in a thrift store for a fraction of the original cost, I snag it up. They come in lots of pretty colors too.

So this is how my morning began with opening and oohing all my new pretties. I love good surprises, don't you?

Now that all my excitement has slowed, I think I'll go and relax in my chair with a hot cup of tea and finish reading the book I started yesterday. This is how I spend most of my days now, but soon I will be back to my regulars of mowing the lawn, planting the garden, cleaning the coop. You get the idea.

Thanks for stopping by. Wishing you all a safe and happy Memorial weekend.

Really? This is happening again...

                   
"You can become the person that you choose to be."

These are some powerful words.

I woke this morning mad at myself for feeling this way. This way being that feeling I get called 'panic' I've had now for the past five days. Really? This is happening to me again? I don't want it! I don't want to accept it! The last time I felt this way was over thirty years ago.

I ask myself, why is it happening to me again? How can I make it all go away, forever? I've been to the Doctors. My heart is fine. My thyroid is good. I think my hormones are just being a little finicky because of all these female problems going on. So come on! Is this fear of what is to come? Do I fear the surgery? No I don't think so. I think my fear is all about how things will get done around here when I am not able to do them.  I think my fear is my animals won't have the care from anyone else as good as they would from me. (me thinking stupid) I think my fear is knowing that my house will get much deeper with clutter and dirt than I can handle. (really? who cares?)

All this fear is 'bullshit!" I know it! And you know it! So why can't I control it?

The first thing I do this morning is I get on the internet and begin searching the web for answers. I'm reading about ways to control one's panic when it begins. I come across this article and begin reading that there are steps I can take to get myself under control. These are:

Step one.  Relax (easier said than done)
Step two.  Stop negative thinking. (It's that damn self conscience who's doing it)
Step three. Use coping statements. (Okay, now this is something I can remember in time of panic)
Step four.  Accept your feelings. (Now this is more like it. Who else is going to accept that you're nuts?)

So now that I have all the answers I must put them to work. I will do my best to look as though nothing is bothering me. I will do my best to go about my daily chores as though I haven't a care in the world. And I will do my best to not work myself up into a major, blown out PANIC ATTACK.

The one thing that truely hit me about all that she wrote is these ten words:
 "you can become the person you choose to be". By Pati McDermott CHT (certified hypnotherapist)

Powerful, beautiful, and meaningful words.

This will be my coping statement.

Just writing about it has helped. This is not easy for me or anyone who suffers with panic attacks. Just getting through each day the best we can is all we ask for. Pray for us and understand we pray all the time to feel and be "the person we choose to be", but better.

Blessings,
Gail

Thrift store finds

Yesterday was mostly spent on the road again over to Eugene and back. I did manage an hour to spend looking around at St. Vincent's in Oakridge. I found a few items I thought I could use with my Civil war persona.

  A small jewelry box for my earrings and brooches. A mug for drinking water, a plate, a basket for essentials, ribbon will be used on an outfit or maybe a hat and the flower frog, because I collect them. I also picked up a great gallon jug for my homemade wine, and a small bowl for use in the kitchen. Best thing about it was I only spent $10. (Senior discount day)
 
There were a few other things I thought about getting but I ended up putting back. Now I wish I had purchased them because I want to make some craft things I found on Pinterest. But I'm going back over again next Thursday, so I plan to see if they are still available for purchase.
 
I like stopping as it helps to break up the long drive and gives me a chance to shop out of town. Today, I'm catching up on laundry, cleaning out chicken coops and enjoying the warm sunshine.

Spring brings Honey Do's

With Spring comes repair. I have been saying "Honey,we need a new roof" for three years now and hubby finally caved in. Only because he woke up to a drip in the bedroom over my dresser and hoping the ceiling doesn't cave in. Last year we had pots down on the kitchen floor catching water. Boy was that fun. Amazing how long it can take my dh to wake up.

So off to Home Depot a few days back, and hubby and a friend of ours are up on the roof.

 

 

As you can see, we are having to strip down to the nitty gritty. The roof had two layers of very old and brittle shingles. This house was built in 1959, so you can imagine what we've dealt with the last few years. Every wind we'd get, there'd be more shingles on the ground. Hubby would walk around, pick them up and go up on the roof and reattach them. I'd just sit there shaking my head.

 

So needless to say, I am tickled pink to finally be getting a new roof.

 

The guys will be working it in sections due to our weather. Today it's pretty windy so no roofing is getting done. We are expecting more rain and snow, so part of the roof has been retiled and the other part has tar paper down.

 

 

This will be the finished look. Kinda looks like old cobblestone.

 

 But don't worry hubby, once the roof is finished, I have plenty more honey do's to do. There's the greenhouse to get finished, the chicken coop needs a window, we need to finish the trim in the bathroom, our walls need repainted, we need a few trees cut back.........

 

 Well, you get the picture.

 

Traveling to Eugene

One of the nice things about traveling back and forth to Eugene is that I get to see all these beautiful rivers, lakes and cool stuff along the way. With Spring officially here, all the rivers are up and running fast from all the snow melt.

I enjoyed stopping along the way and listening to the water rushing along. Don't you just love how it sounds? I could spend hours just sitting there and enjoying the music it brings to my ears. It takes all the stress and worries away, at least for a little while.

The lake looks inviting even though it would be too cold for swimming, maybe just a little fishing, if I find the time. You can still see some snow across the backside, but Spring is definitely here as you begin seeing a lot more ducks flying in to stay.

I really liked the rustic patina of this as I passed under it, so on my way home I pulled over to get a shot of it. Plus it gave me another excuse to enjoy the river beside it a little more.

So as things begin to bloom with Spring in the air, I hope to be able to get more pictures of my trips I'll be making this Summer back and forth to Eugene. It makes life a little more pleasant for what I have to deal with right now.

I hope next time to find a spot to pull over and take pictures where there are oodles of beautiful ferns and the trees look awesome.

Sewing days are back

My hubby found this wardrobe chest from the 20's or early 30's that I am going to use to display my civil war clothing in. He only paid $40 for it! These things are going for hundreds on ebay. It is in fine shape too. A tiny spot of mold on one inside drawer, but not much damage otherwise. Even though the handles are not civil war, I thought I would cover them over with a lace hankie or petticoat or something. It will make for keeping my clothing together in one place easier.

I doubt I will participate much this year, but want to get my wardrobe stocked up for when I am able to reenact again. I have been super busy sewing up a storm the last few days. With the warm sunshine outside but still cool breeze, I find myself wanting to get my creative juices flowing. Weird, I know, but I am enjoying it. 

I've put together another work dress (just needs hemmed). A small headpiece to cover the hair, and on the ironing board I am pinning up a hem on a pleated petticoat. The material for the hem looks uneven because it is. I choose to use what material I have on hand so I make it work however I need to. And two more panels of material were needed to complete the width and it wasn't as long. But it all worked out fine.
I also made an apron and split drawers I forgot to take a picture of.

There is really a lot of clothing women of that era wore. So I need to have extra to change into on the really hot Summer days of reenacting.

I have to tell you though, making or even reading these patterns are not an easy task. Yesterday I spent half my time tearing out what I had stitched in wrong. Plus with so much fabric in some of these pieces, you really have quite a time keeping your material from bunching or pulling on the machine.

But, I'm really not complaining because I am doing something I enjoy. Sewing. Now I wouldn't mind a lesson from someone who has been making period clothing for awhile, though.